AIM: Pancaek Beast | E-mail: shdwdde@gmail.com | Denny's House of Pancaeks
Battle Royale, Part 1 (Points: 122/144 Matches: 53/61)
Now he's done it. This has gone on for far too long. You scrunch your forehead, squeeze your fists, pump your forearms, and unleash an unstoppable holler. KONG. KONG. DON-KEY KONG.
"Now you've done it," Alucard informs Sephiroth, who appears merely amused by your display of ferocity. "This has gone on for far too long."
"Hmm." Sephiroth merely smiles at you, illogically not attacking you while you are powering up.
"You know," says Alucard conversationally, "If you want to stand a chance against him, you'd better whip out the Masamune against him."
Sephiroth laughs, pointing his sword at you. "I've killed tens of thousands. He hasn't even killed nine thousand."
The other three look on like little serfs under Sephiroth's almighty aura. "I think I finally understand this 'Island of Champions' idea."
"You do?" Sephiroth raises an eyebrow. "That's good! I was beginning to be afraid that you didn't realize that the entire point of bringing all of you here was so that I could be the lord, extending my domain of evil unto the greatest defenders of justice - and to bring them crashing to their knees amongst themselves! World domination is only a step away - if it weren't for that idiot ape, I would have killed you and destroyed humanity by --!!"
"Actually," Alucard interrupts, "It was all a part of the Plan."
The point of his Sephiroth's blade looks and leaps to Alucard's head, but the vampire dissipates into mist, backing off a yard or two out of Sephiroth's range. With the greatest contempt and a fruitless effort to appear disdainful, Sephiroth again speaks. "Well them, you chumps, go get him!"
The redcoat, the woman, and the tights-wearing elf sprint from their positions, heeding their God. Alucard goes under in a tangle of fireballs, Buster Swords, and Light Arrows. Sephiroth, meanwhile, turns back to you. You have finished shouting.
"Time to get epic!" yells Sephiroth, stabbing forward. You sidestep it and move in, punching Sephiroth in the jaw. In a normal fight, that would be a knockout, clean and simple. But it is not a normal fight. You are mother****ing Donkey Kong, and this is Sephiroth. As a result, your punch does not send Sephiroth backwards, but rather makes his entire body rigid. You feel an exquisite resistance; visible energy ascends and explodes from the location of impact. The sky darkens, a thunder clap slices the atmosphere, and melodramatic, theatrical rain starts pouring down for no apparent reason.
Tensed up with the force of the punch, you are too stiff to counter when Sephiroth retracts his first thrust and cuts to your flank. Manly blood spurts from your side and stains Sephiroth's cascading robes. He flings you hard to dislodge you from the unparalleled length of the sword's jaws. You smash into the mud and sink in a foot and a half.
"Nice coup de poing," chuckles Sephiroth. "Let me show you mine."
His sword ravages you, seeks you mercilessly in the most curious combination of slicing and poking. Breaking free of the mud with difficulty, you are nearly powerless beneath its persecuting point. All of your attention shoots to the diversion of it - a duck, a shove, a roll...
BANG! A bullet whizzes from behind Sephiroth. It stirs the warrior's supremely feminine hair. The firer is and sees the headless body of Solid Snake, still poised to fight. The simplistic side diversion works; Sephiroth becomes angry and attacks the body. The body, in turn, runs as fast as it can. Sephiroth follows, a fallen angel slaying a headless snake.
(A) Whip out the Coconut Gun and own yourself some Sephiroth ass. No one escapes mother****ing Donkey Kong.
(B) Take a look at what's going on with Alucard. That Italian looks huge from here.
(C) Take a nap. It's never hurt before; why should it hurt now?
(D) Bust out the bongos and start playing One Winged Angel. Complete with remastered lyrics.
SD
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Sunday, November 12, 2006
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