AIM: Pancaek Beast | E-mail: shdwdde@gmail.com | Denny's House of Pancaeks
Crono vs. Bowser, Auron vs. Sub Zero (Points: 56/62 Matches: 42/47)
The ensnaring light bathes your body, and your eyes close calmly, assured of the comfort that white silence brings. Sin seeps out of your skin and diffuses into the light. Fatigue oozes from your nostrils and mixes with the lather.
"Ho ho ho!" A raucous cackle pops the bubble of unconsciousness. "What have we here?"
Your body, you find, is hunched, your arms wrapped lovingly and protectively around your knees, tucked into your chest. And your vision is dark. The white light is gone, but even so, this is darker than the usual fare. You look up gradually and discover a large shadow in which you are currently curled up.
Inexorably, your gaze meets that of someone larger than you. It is a reptilian creature with fiery eyes and childish complexion. Heavy, yellow, kerotin armor plates its frontside all the way up to the underside of its face. "Don't you look like quite the delicious morsel! Wonder what Peach will say once King Bowser bring her her new pet monkey! Gwa ha ha!"
Disbelieving of the creature's abrasive voice you unroll your body and rise to your feet. Subconsciously, the reptile's height jars you. You now see directly eye to eye with it. But its expression has changed from the most condescending confidence to an awed arrogance.
"Oh..." Its voice falters a little as it surveys your serious business facial expression. "It looks like I misjudged you. You're not a pet monkey."
Damn straight you're not.
"You're mother****ing Donkey Kong... Well, this changes things!"
The accursed beast strikes before you are ready. Its clawed punch is slow enough for you to block, but the absolute force of it knocks you back nonetheless, into the dirt behind you. Absolute dirt and wasteland stretch around you, expanding to the horizons of your vision. You land firmly on your caboose and grimace a little.
"Aw, did that hurt?" Bowser waddles over to you as you rub your ass. "Not used to feelin' pain? Well, guess what? Me neither!!" He bellyflops onto your gut, and you yelp as your lungs ejaculate the air. You swing arm and leg to get him off, but he merely shifts his weight so that his spiked ass resides on your naked navel. Your punches, so apt to bleed blades and shatter shields, bounce easily off of Bowser's protective armor coating. Stretching his limited arms, he places his paws grimly on your biceps, pinning them to the ground. You howl and give pelvic thrusts but cannot dislodge the Koopa.
"Oh, man, this is epic!" he chortles, tossing his head backward. "King beats Kong! Mushroom Kingdom's Stud beats down the world known Mother****er! Talk about rich!"
And he leans forward, baring pearly teeth. "Know why these are so clean, Donkey?" he asks in such a thoughful tone that for a moment you stop resisting.
Then his mouth opens, and the stench and inferno of hell explode at you. Fire surrounds your eyes, ears, and nostrils for five excruciating seconds, a heat that chars you, jolts all of your limbs back to their full angsty strength.
He continues to smirk when you manage to detach your eyelids. "Well, it's not because of my impeccable hygiene! HAW HAW HAW!"
Finally, you summon the power. You lash your body like a whip and buck Bowser off of you. He does not soar in the air but rather skids off of your searing face, chuckling a little. You swing your arm as Bowser turns 'round. "Don't mess with the King!" he says, as if incapable of producing any dialogue beyond a quotable one-liner.
You unload an uppercut on Bowser's jaw. It is a power that might decapitate a normal opponent or at the very least make him an illegal immigrant to the moon, but Bowser merely flips over onto his front, eating dirt.
A scuffling sound distracts you. You turn around and see Alucard, sword drawn, clashing with a... is that a blue ninja?
Sproing! Bowser's rear end crashes down on your cranium. You do not consider how he has managed to get that repugnant ass of his that far up in the air, partially due to the Milky Way that you see before your eyes, mingling with the sight of Alucard encased in utter ice. Your vision fades, and you stick out your hands uselessly, feeling around, watching as the self-assured ninja walks forth and grips Alucard's head.
There it is. Your fingers close around something spiky and fat, and instinctively, both hands clench it. "Yo!" yells Bowser, "Hands off the merchandise! NO ONE touches the tail!"
But are not any "one" or indeed anyone categorizable by "no one." You are mother****ing Donkey Kong, and you swing Bowser down hard. A pit forms in the shape of his heavily spiked back. With colossal tug, you maneuver a fulcrum to smash Bowser into the blue ninja. Your club's landing on the ninja's head knocks the ninja five feet into the ground, so that he is but an unconscious head. The force sends tremors through the ground, shattering the ice that imprisons Alucard. He shivers a little.
"I'll take it from here," he says, instantly as authoritative and professional as he has always been. With a whirl of the cape, he vanishes ninja and koopa from sight and from mind.
"Ignore the fact that that ability has never appeared in any of my games," he instructs you suavely, "It's all a part of the Plan."
(A) Wait around expectantly for the white light to show up again. You're mother****ing Donkey Kong, but even you can recognize a blatant pattern.
(B) Make yourself a sammich. The Plan makes you hungry.
(C) Take a nap. You're tough.
(D) Stay awake. Taking naps seems to be a good way to get your ass kicked by large reptilian creatures.
SD
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
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