AIM: Pancaek Beast | E-mail: shdwdde@gmail.com | Denny's House of Pancaeks
Tifa Lockhart vs. Ivy Valentine (Points: 3/4 Matches: 3/4)
Feeling more than a little under the weather, you clamber out of the mansion's basement and stumble across stereotypically creaking floorboards until you find a dust-covered phone. It is of the "Razor" brand, clearly state of the art material. You flip it open and deftly dial your local doctor. People don't credit you much for it, but you are actually quite technologically savvy.
"RRRRRRAWR," you yell into the phone. Then you quickly hang up and loiter outside the mansion, bleeding casually from littered bullet wounds in the front of your torso. It takes a few minutes for the "doctor" to arrive. You squint; the city lights are making it very difficult to make out exactly who is going to nurse you to health.
The first feature of your physician that you observe is her chest. She is wearing a tight white shirt, which you assume is part of hospital protocol. There is a large red ribbon cross sewn onto the front of the chest. Whatever is underneath is stretching the fabrics of both the shirt and the cross on it. As she gets closer, your gaze shifts from the wriggling armadillos to her face. Stylish dark hair frames an innocent, almost dopey smile.
Her motion is exquisitely feminine. She presses her elbows close to her sides, causing her hands to jut out impractically and limply as she runs. A criminally short black skirt flaps with her every step, and before even you realize it, she is upon you.
"You're hurt!" is her first comment, and at that moment, any affection that her physical appearance may have lent you evaporates. Of course you're hurt; why do you think you called the hospital in the first place? You are mother****ing Donkey Kong; you don't need to feign pain to get some whore.
But she ignores the shift in your facial expression, eyebrows turned up in genuine worry. "I'm Tifa," she says. "The hospital's a bit short-staffed, what with all the Tournament of Champions injuring everone, so I was sent here. I'll be your nurse, though this looks pretty serious."
You keep your eyes narrow. You still don't trust a ditz, but her voice does sound nice enough.
"Now let's see if I still remember this Materia junk," she mutters, and places her hands in electrifying distance of your chest. In fact, the distance does jolt you a little.
"Oops," she says lightly, "Sorry about that residue. I was ... never mind."
And now a calming, soothing effect spreads over your entire upper body and, just a little, to your lower body as well. You actually close your eyes, enjoying it. Tifa shifts behind you, but you merely growl in satisfaction as her diminuitive soft hands attempt to grip the tense muscles around your neck. Her hands prove incapable of mustering the strength truly to loosen the cemented cords, but you shrug back and forth to loosen yourself.
"Hey," she whispers in your ear, as she slides her hands up and down your back, "Will you do me a favor?"
Instantly suspicion explodes into your veins again. Your eyes snap open, and you turn around. You are mother****ing Donkey Kong, and you don't get ****ed by anyone - not even busty nurses. You raise an interrogative eyebrow and slowly close your fist around her throat.
She looks absolutely helpless in your hand. Terror dancing in her eyes, she points trembling inger. "Can you take out this pesky Ivy character?"
You turn your head skeptically, and your jaw drops. A lady is standing behind you, eyes sinisterly narrow. Sensuous flesh is exploding out of the most minimalistic strings and pieces of cloth. You release Tifa from your grasp and turn toward Ivy, who brandishes some sort of weapon. She lashes out at you, eliciting a scream from Tifa, but you catch and snap her blade with two fingers. There is not even enough time for her to look surprised before you overwhelm her face with your hand.
"Th- thanks," says Tifa timidly from behind you, walking into the mansion. "I'll find a way to get rid of her really quickly! Just hang there, will you?"
Against your better judgment, you "hang there," allowing Ivy to writh, beat your hands, jiggle her hams and jugs and other attributes.
"Okay," says Tifa, walking out of the mansion. "A taxi should be h-"
At that moment, a futuristic-looking racepod thing appears out of nowhere, and an absolutely ridiculous-looking guy jumps out. You are distinctly reminded of the twisted wreckage that you earlier discovered jammed up your ass, but you say nothing.
"Captain," Tifa gestures at the still-fighting Ivy. "Will you dispose of this?"
"OF course!" yells the ridiculous-looking guy militarily. He snatches Ivy out of your hands quickly and hops into his vehicle. Tifa enters as well.
"'Til next time, noble warrior!"
And they zoom off.
(A) Go back inside the mansion and see what prank calling will do for you.
(B) Find a hotel to stay the night. For free, of course, since you are, in fact, mother****ing Donkey Kong.
(C) Look for something to eat in town.
(D) Reflect upon Tifa to yourself and... you guessed it, take a nap.
SD
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Saturday, September 16, 2006
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